Wednesday, August 27, 2014

20 ways to use tummy to good effect

Be Big Be Happy
Dear Readers,
The post will have series of situation where you can use your tummy for good effect. I going to motivate you BIG time! 

Caution: This might motivate you to become fat and unhealthy.
(But who cares as long as you are happy?!)

  1. Famine killer: I know, we all know famine is killer but statistics point that tummy is essentially extra fat that gets deposited so that it can be used in unforeseen situations where you don’t have food to eat. Famine is the first situation that comes to my mind! All your slim, lean friends will die of starvation while you can sit in a place reduce metabolism use all stored fat to cross bad days and wait for WHO/UN to arrive. The same can be said when you run outta money.
  2. Easy to demonstrate common sense: Lift etiquette – Leave way for people inside to come out else you can’t go into lift. This lift etiquette is so straight but so uncommon, so take pride in standing in the entrance and refuse to come out till they make enough space, a lesson well taught. Also the ‘Eureka’ theory, jump into the pool and show the people around how much of water you can displace.
  3. Serve as cushion for the loved ones: This one is cute and lovely, place a baby on top of tummy and watch them sleep calmly in it as if it is a water bed. In need of pillow use that one pillow available and offer your tummy pillow for others.
  4. Buried alive, come out alive(not kill bill style): There are multiple situations where you can get buried alive, like at the hand of serial killer, natural disaster like earth quake, bad construction, war. When people gets buried alive under concrete most dies because of starvation, stay calm digest fat and wait for rescue team to get you out and give you a cup of ORS.
  5. Get qualified for sumo fight: A lighter note that you now qualified to fight in Sumo. It’s no joke, if you manage to get into top six sumo wrestler clan you get such a luxury life to live.
  6. Get a chance to dance with top Indian film stars: Unlike Hollywood in India lead actors are expected to dance well to get to fame, but some are very bad at this. To compensate their mismatched skill choreographers uses slow paced dancers or paint the big round tummies and distract the viewers from lead’s ugly dance. Crack into TV who knows you might become a star too.
  7. Win every food completion: Tummy and amount of food are not related as you might think, but showing off a big tummy can make a potential winner to run away from completion thus getting you close to winning it.
  8. Break into Adult group: During my academic years I was lean, though I was about to complete my Bachelor degree in engineering few refuse to accept I’m above 18. Just 3 years crossed many kids call me uncle now! Advantage is that you can go alone to A rated movies, clubs, rent or buy movies that needs parental care without being notified though you are not adult.
  9. Door opener: Can read the sign push to open door, but hands can't reach handle? of course your tummy reached it before hand and opened it for you to go thru while you can adjust your tie.
  10. Showoff: Tummy in a way tells others that you are wealthy, dress accordingly and make the most of it.
  11. Temporary stand: Want to lift a kid in a carnival? Not able to move your hands above shoulder? Use your tummy stand! Just balance them by holding them by armpits and let your tummy take rest of the weight.
  12. Table mate replacement: Watching TV, want to have chips? Wanna work in Laptop? Chop vegetables? Just lean on wall and balance all that you want on your tummy.
  13. Space provider: Navigate thru a crowded public transport vehicle; it might be tough at first. But when you communicate to the opposite party that you are big and they have to make way, make small sound like clearing throat or coughing. Now you have caught the attention start to move, people will squeeze themselves into smaller gaps to let you thru.
  14. Big is good for short temper: I’m sort of a short temper, there is not one day in my life where I drive without delivering a tearing look or cursing words. When I was still in college people used to respond to it, they stop vehicles turns back then I had to show my steel by stopping bike in side stand and flexing arms communicating it hard that they have to flee, sometime this might not work then I’d flee. But long gone those days now when people sense my rage they just vanish, big is good, big means strong, harder to break into (it is all fluffy inside though).
  15. Never get lost in crowd! Usually tall people enjoy this advantage, but if you can grow yourself big enough you can be spotted by the empty space you create around you.
  16. Seat Sharing: Be is public transport or your own car, no one is going to sit close to you to get crushed, enjoy all the seat(s) you want. There is very good chance that you get the seat next to driver in family car and no need to accommodate another person brushing and crushing.
  17. You weight keeps the petrol tank lid closed in old bikes, petrol is so costly now never spill any.
  18. The airbag protection you get whether it not the car is fitted with one, crash and walk like hero.
  19. Let kids play ‘slide’ on your tummy. Being kind to children is lady magnet mantra.
  20. When you fall down, you don’t hit your nose on the floor; your tummy takes the hit and saves your face! (மீசை ல மண் ஒட்டாது )

The source of post is unimportant but worth mentioning- its my tummy. My family and friends are touting me for growing such a tummy in short period, OMG they are asking me to workout! *dare they* So I wanted a work around in some way want to make me feel happy that I'm growing fat! here you have the list of happiness I share with you :) And if you were to workout, add this to list

21. You are going to make a gym trainer happy when you enter the door without pushing by hand but with tummy ;) and God he is excited to have you on floor he can eat well for at least the next 6 months with fee you gonna pay.

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Dominos Cold Pizza served with the worst customer care and service

It was a real good weekend, had a good mid-day sleep and woke up to order pizza as my cousins were visiting. As you might know my favorite pizzeria is Pizza hut, but since my cousin insisted and more importantly my better half was craving for choco lava cake I had to order it in Dominos(since pizza corner is already a tragedy). The mood of weekend started to fall down with the time taken to deliver the pizza.

I placed the order by 7:45pm, I didn't have any other work so I kept refreshing the page after placing order to see the progress in pizza tracker. Progressed from Ordered > Prepared > Baked > Packed > Dispatched in 27mins wow that's great now I'm going to get the pizza in 10-15mins. No that didn't happen I had to make 5 calls to Pizzeria station - 044 2238 7777 out of which first two answered, third one was mis-handled saying we'll deliver time might differ (that's interesting) and the next two were severed soon after I said "my order 247 is not delivered"

Apologies card - I know its pretty bad image
Then came the delivery boy by 9:15pm I literally pounced on him, well wait I'm not that brutish I didn't do that rigth way. He said we can't deliver in time + 30mins or free doesn't apply to you cause your home is not within 8mins radius W*F when did people started measuring distance in time. The pizzeria was well within 3Km from my home, I said "at least you could have delivered in 40mins, so this must have been Cash On Delivery, using pre-paid is my mistake" he smiled and then only I pounced. I called their advertised number 6888 6888 but after 1 min of talk and 1:30 mins of hold they too severed. Then I had to speak to the store manager to get my most deserved apologies.

Since the delivery is not covered under 30-mins guarantee (which is essentially a lie, it won't be covered even if you live in next building), this delivery guy took back the pizza and cancelled the order. That is if you made an order for pizza mania or choco lava cake yesterday(02-Aug-14) by 9:00pm and got it delivered by 9:15pm it is my order which was re-heated :D Well you can ask why are you so angry? damn millennial they are charging us what they think we should have rights over our money. 
Dominos might serve it late enough for fungus to take care of your pizza

My mistake was that I pre-paid it thru credit card! I must have ordered with COD then I'd have a control over the order if it was not delivery in time no money. No, Pizza hut doesn't pay me a paisa but they make best pizza and good service. I hate Dominos, this is probably the last transaction with them. If I'm going rate this I'll rate it in negative since that's not possible

Dominos - 0/5
Pizza Corner - 3/5
Pizza hut - 4/5 (you have to give me free pizza if you want 5 :P)